Hardest Decision of My Life aka Rejecting a Referral

I’ve been MIA the beginning of this week because we got The Call from our agency on Monday. A completely adorable dimple-chinned 8-month-old boy became available (yes, we received two pictures) and they referred him to us. Oh, the agony of deciding whether or not to accept. I just need to cry. My mom just called and I was able to do just that. I’m very sad, but this was the right decision.

You see, we have been anticipating two children. I was ready for two children older than our requested ages or with a special need or same gender or unrelated or really anything else. I was totally unprepared for the call to be for one child. This was a hard decision because we just want to be parents. We want to give our love to a child who needs a home. Thankfully, there are other loving families waiting specifically for an infant boy birth to twelve months old.

During the past 48 hours, I have come closer to praying without ceasing than I have ever been before. Needless to say, I haven’t gotten much else done. However, my garden looks fabulous because weeding and mulching are great stress relievers. Plus in the garden is a great place to think and pray. (I also found out that my turnips are ready to harvest and Japanese beetles are prolific. Note to self: add beetle traps to shopping list.) Gabe did his thinking and praying in the car between farms. We also did a lot of talking.

We talked to our parents, to friends, to each other, and to God. If we were to just weight the positives and negatives of accepting versus rejecting this referral, we would never have come to a decision. If we were to ask the opinion of our families and friends, we also would not have come to a decision. Ultimately, we needed to defer to God. We asked him to show us what His will was and to give us a peace about our decision. As Gabe said, “[This boy] is not my son.” It’s true, heart-wrenching, but true. This is not the child that God has for us and we do feel peace about this decision. I guess this is a good lesson in God’s provision.

I’m not sure why the Lord brought this little boy into our lives, but I know He is good. We have grown closer to Him and I will be praying for this little boy. Perhaps that is what God wanted, for us to trust Him and pray for this boy’s future. I can do that.